bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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