i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
