He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
