Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
