I wish I could teleport
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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