Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
