So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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