She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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