Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize