Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
