your parents love me but you hate me
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
