you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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