So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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