I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
