dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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