He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
