I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
