I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She's like a pop up book from hell.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
