I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
