found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
