i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
