The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
