Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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