She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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