You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
