We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
