Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
