Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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