wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
