Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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