im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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