I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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