Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
