So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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