i barfeds in our rink
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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