"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
