Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
