Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Couch. On fire.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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