Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
