you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
