Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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