that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i dont even know how to be here
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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