we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
