I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
