i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
