i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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