Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.