Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.