I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.