The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?