Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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