You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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