You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
