did you get engaged???
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
