now i know why i became what i already was.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
