I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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