I smell stomach acid.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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