is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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