I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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