Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
