matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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