If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
