he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
