Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
